Ask A Man - 3 Dec

Ask A Man 2 December

Ask A Man 29 Nov '24: 'I have to hide from my partner's "estranged" wife.'

Anonymous says she’s recently widowed and has now started dating again. She says she met a guy in October and they hit it off.  Anonymous says things have been good and he treats her well, however, he revealed to her that he’s actually in a long distance marriage but things are not working out in that marriage because of some issues, including the fact that the guy travels around a lot because of his job.  Anonymous says they’ve continued dating but now the guy sometimes doesn’t want anonymous to come over or leave her things at his place when she’s visiting because he’s worried his wife will find out about their relationship.  Anonymous says she’s not sure if she should continue with this relationship.

Ask A Man 28 Nov '24: 'Sneaky Links and baby mamas.'

Anonymous says she’s been her partner for 4 months and says that she crushed on him for a long time before they started dating.  Anonymous says at the onset of their relationship he would get calls from a mystery lady who he initially said was his sister but it later turned out that it was actually the mother of his child & they his in what he described as a “complicated” relationship with her. Anonymous says they continued with their relationship, however, while they were attending a function inside her partner’s complex he ended up in an altercation with a different lady during the function. Anonymous says he later confessed that the lady used to be a sneaky link and also that he’s actually still in a relationship with the mother of his child.  Anonymous doesn’t know if she should stick with him. 

Ask A Man 27 Nov '24: 'My partner won't forgive me for flirting with another guy.'

Anonymous says she met a guy in March last year and they started dating. She says things were fine until the guy found texts on her phone from another guy who was flirting with her, even though she wasn’t reciprocating.  Anonymous says after this incident things were no longer the same in their relationship and the guy would always bring up the incident. Anonymous maintains that the texts with the other guy were innocent on her part, and she wasn’t doing anything with the other guy.  Anonymous says since January this year, the guy has a habit of disappearing and reappearing in her life. He says he loves her but anonymous is not sure what to think of all of this.

Ask A Man 26 Nov '24: 'Is my partner in the closet?'

Anonymous says her dating life has been a bit of a struggle, however she met a guy 3 months ago who she suspects is gay.  Anonymous says she confronted him about this, she first revealed that she’s been with a girl and asked if he had been with a guy before. Anonymous says her partner told her that he’s only flirted with a guy before, and things didn’t go too far.  Anonymous says he’s also only ever touchy with her when they are in public but doesn’t show the same affection privately. Anonymous says she suspects he’s in the closet and even ended up blocking him for two days because of this. Anonymous says they are communicating again now, but she’s still not sure.

Ask A Man 25 Nov '24: 'She interested only when I have money.'

Anonymous says he’s been with his partner for 13 years and a few years ago he started the lobola proceedings but ended up cancelling as his partner was started changing on him because he became unemployed.  Anonymous says when this happened her partner said their child would no longer visit his parents as they are not married. Anonymous says he eventually found employment again and she’s still around but he’s told her that he’s not sure about her anymore because how she’s treated him in the past.  The current conflict in their relationship now is the people anonymous has listed as beneficiaries of his estate ,which is his mother & their child. Anonymous is not sure about this relationship and her behaviour.

Ask A Man 22 Nov '24: 'My partner and I keep going back and fourth.'

Ask A Man 21 Nov '24: 'My boyfriend just told me he has a wife.'

Anonymous says she met her partner about a year ago and says they got into a relationship, which anonymous says is her first relationship ever.  Anonymous says things have been going well in their relationship, however, she says before he could meet her family, he revealed to her that he’s actually married and wants anonymous to become his second wife.  Anonymous says there were no red flags and this confession hit her by complete surprise. Anonymous says their relationship has been amazing and she’s not sure if she wants to continue and become his second wife.  

Ask A Man 20 Nov '24: 'Is he really serious about me or was it all about the money?'

Anonymous says her and her current partner started working on businesses together early on in their relationship and things were generally ok until she realised that he would receive money from their clients and not be transparent with anonymous about the amounts as they were paid into his company.  Anonymous says her job at the time did not allow her to have side hustles, so they did business using his company.  Anonymous says they stayed together at her place because he couldn’t afford to pay for his own place but after the successes in the business he was upgrading his house without even speaking to anonymous about it.  Anonymous says after all this and some issues they had with their children, her partner told anonymous that he was moving back into his place and they would proceed to live in separate homes but remain a couple.  Anonymous says the relationship has faded since then, he’s tried to rekindle things but anonymous says she’s not sure and he’s also burnt bridges with her family through his treatment of her. 

Ask A Man 19 Nov '24: 'I Can't Lose My Ben-6'

Anonymous says she met a guy two weeks ago and they’ve been dating for 4 days. Anonymous says he’s in his early twenties, she’s in her mid-twenties, and things are going really well so far. Anonymous says her business is down the road from where the guy lives and a couple of days ago they got intimate with the guy which led to him arriving home past his curfew. Now his family has found out about their relationship and they are not happy. Anonymous says they now want the guy to move away from the area and she’s not sure what to do. She feels like she really likes him and doesn’t know if she should chat to his family about their relationship. Anonymous is also not sure if this is worth a fight. 

Ask A Man - 18 Nov '24: 'My partner mis-treated me when I was jobless.'

Anonymous says he’s been in a relationship with his partner for about 12 year, they have two children together and his partner came into the relationship with another child.  Anonymous says he lost his job during the pandemic, and got money from his workplace after being removed. Anonymous says he used the money to try and lobola his partner, but he eventually ran out of his savings and wasn’t able to complete the lobola. Anonymous says his partner became verbally abusive and wasn’t treating him right because he was unemployed.   Anonymous says he now has job, and she’s back to treating him right again. Anonymous is thinking of continuing with the lobola process but he’s not sure if he should continue with the relationship with his partner because of how she’s treated him in the past.

Ask A Man 15 Nov '24: 'Have my wife and I ruined our relationship for good?'

Anonymous says he’s been with his partner for 15 years and they’ve been married for 4 years.  Anonymous says his partner is quite fierce and stern and can be very independent within their relationship. Anonymous says one of the issues they are currently going through now is that he’s suspicious of her relationship with another man who’s even called her while they were at home together and caused a rift between them.  Anonymous says his wife is also very submissive when she’s speaking to this guy, but she’s hardly ever like that with him.  Anonymous is not sure what’s going on and doesn’t know if he should hold on to this relationship. 

Ask A Man 14 Nov '24: 'Worried I might return to my toxic ex.'

Anonymous says she was in toxic relationship for 3 years and says there was lots of infidelity amongst other things.  Anonymous says her partner made her very anxious with his antics and for the longest time she would leave him but then go back to him.  Anonymous says she has left him again now and it’s been more than a week of no contact with him but she’s struggling with moving forward and getting over him.  Anonymous is worried she might relapse and find herself going back to him again. Anonymous needs advice on how to let go of a toxic partner.

Ask A Man 13 Nov '24: 'Can we mend things after our separation?'

Anonymous says he’s been married to his wife since 2015 and they separated in 2019, but didn’t get divorced. Anonymous says during this time they had relationships with other people.  Anonymous says they got back together around August last year and they agreed to end things with the people they were seeing.  Anonymous says over the weeks he realised that a guy renting at one of their properties was his wife’s ex, from the time they were apart, he talked to her about this and they removed the guy as a tenant.  Anonymous says things seem to not have ended between his wife and this guy as the guy has even bought her an expensive gift. Anonymous is not sure if his wife is still romantically involved with this guy and how they can move forward from this.

Ask A Man 12 Nov '24: 'Second wife because I can't have children?'

Anonymous says she’s been in a relationship with her  partner for 4 years and earlier this year she had a miscarriage, following which, the doctor told anonymous that she won’t be able to bear children.  Anonymous says her partner started acting funny after this and months later she found out the guy had impregnated another lady to please his family and their cultural beliefs.  Anonymous says the family then told her that the pregnant lady will become the first wife, because she can bear children, and then anonymous can then become the second wife. Anonymous is wondering if she should stay in the relationship.

Ask A Man 11 Nov '24: 'I cheated on my current with my ex.'

Anonymous says months into his relationship with girl no.1, he realised that girl no.1 had been dating someone else when they met and this caused a rift in their relationship, even leading to him cheating on girl no.1.  Anonymous says they had a child which they thought would fix their relationship, but things didn’t workout and they broke up. Anonymous says 7 months after breaking up with girl no.1, he met girl no.2, but they broke up shortly after they started because of girl no.2’s relationship with the father of her child.  Anonymous says he and girl no.2 then reconnected and are still dating now, however, anonymous says he rekindled things with girl no.1 and they had sex twice and girl no.1 ended up telling girl no.2 about it.  This caused a problem between anonymous and girl no.2, his current partner. Anonymous says they haven’t really recovered from the infidelity and girl no.2 now wants to end things. Anonymous is not sure if he should fight for her to stay in the relationship.

Ask A Man 08 Nov '24: 'My boyfriend's other partner is back in town.'

Anonymous says she met a guy four years ago and says he had a partner when they started dating and they were in a long distance relationship.  Anonymous says their relationship has been great over the years but now the main partner is now back in the area which has affected anonymous’ relationship with this guy.  Anonymous says he’s not spending as much time with her as he used to and doesn’t know where she stands now that he’s no longer in a long distance relationship.  Anonymous says he still wants to be with her, however, she doesn’t know how to navigate this situation.

Ask A Man 07 Nov '24: 'My partner doesn't fight fair.'

Anonymous says she’s been with her partner for 8 years now and they have three kids together. Anonymous says her partner generally treats her well and things are generally ok.  Anonymous says the problem is when they have conflict in their relationship, she says he becomes verbally violent towards her and treats her terribly, including humiliating her publicly.  Anonymous says he also has a tendency to get upset at her when she’s out with friends, even accusing her of cheating, this with the backdrop of his own multiple infidelities. 

Ask A Man 06 Nov '24: 'Is my married boyfriend just not that into me?'

Anonymous says she met a guy at work during the pandemic and things were fine between them for about 6 months, but it changed when he became a bit distant towards her.  Anonymous says she then found out he had lied to her and was in fact  in a relationship with someone else who he had paid lobola for and also has a child with that person.  Anonymous says things faded from that point but the guy came back into anonymous’ life and explained that he wasn’t really with the other lady and was only with her because of the child they have together.  Anonymous says he keeps coming and going out of her life. She knows this behaviour is wrong but she loves him and doesn’t know how to get out of this.